Headlines | Punchup in Paris

UK | Music | Seniors | 25 August 2023 | 9

Classical cage fight in prospect

After punching a singer who went the wrong way off the stage at a Berlioz festival, 80-year old conductor Sir John Eliot Gardiner is to switch professions.

A spokesperson explained:

Sir John is pulling out of the Proms this year to focus on cage fighting.

We intend to issue a challenge to Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg to see if they can last a round with Sir John.

Sir John will fight under the name of 'Hector', the famous Trojan warrior, but without his baton.

Sir John is founder and artistic director of the Monteverdi Choir and Orchestra, and a winner of two Grammys, but now he seems to be aiming to add a Lonsdale belt to his collection of trophies.

Former Australian conductor, Bill "The Baton" Heslop commented:

Good on yer Sir John you pommie bastard!

80 years old and still as feisty as a Tasmanian devil.

Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.

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