Headlines | Why, why, why Delilah?

Wales | Sport | Woke | 02 February 2023

Tom Jones classic to be banned

The Welsh RFU has announced that Delilah is no longer welcome as a supporters anthem at Welsh Rugby stadiums as apparently it celebrates domestic violence, which is also known to rise during rugby matches, especially when Wales loses to England.

A spokesperson for the WRFU told FNN:

I'm sorry but we can't recommend any of the Tom Jones classics. All their lyrics are problematic in some way given that they all seem to be about sex, violence, prisoners on death row, murderers, people doing unusual things and encitements to help yourself to stuff.

So we are replacing Delilah with 'I Did What I Did For Maria' by Tony Christie as this is a much jollier song, even tho' he is not Welsh, and we are introducing the Englebert Humperdinck classic 'Release Me' (Please release me, let me go) to play during scrums.

We have also authorised the playing of Put It in Your Mouth by Akinyele while the All Blacks are doing their Haka as this should liven things up a bit when the match starts.

Former Welsh-Australian hooker Bill "Leeky" Heslop commented:

Personally I prefer Lil Wayne's Lollipop - the song I mean - or Kim Petras Coconuts or that timeless cat lovers classic: My Neck, My Back by Khia. I mean, crowds will be singing these songs long after Delilah is forgotten right? Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinny. I'm parched.

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