Headlines | Marvel Franchise Threatened

USA | Film | Woke | 02 February 2023

Lack of authentic actors blamed

The immensely popular and profitable Marvel Comics movie franchise is under threat due to the lack of authentic actors to play the leading roles.

A spokesperson for the franchise explained:

Now that we must only cast 'authentic' actors in leading roles, it is likely that fewer Marvel movies will be made in the future due to the lack of available talent.

In the past, for example, it was ok for straights to play gays and gays to play straights, men could pretend to be women and women to be men. But no more. So we have to adapt to the times.

In case any FNN readers fit the bill, here are just three of Marvels unfulfilled casting calls:

  • a nerd who can change into a massive, muscular meatball with green skin
  • someone who can scamper up vertical buildings and shoot kevlar-strength web strands from his fingers
  • a woman who is able to shrink and grow in size at will and fly like a wasp

If you qualify for any of the above, then please contact Marvel Pictures immediately - fame and fortune awaits.

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